~~~ Tidbit of Humor: Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road? ~~~
A Humorous Collection of Sayings
Collected, Edited, and Laughed at by
Bobby Matherne ©2003
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A Humorous Collection of Sayings
Collected, Edited, and Laughed at by
Bobby Matherne ©2003
This Web Page Contains Material Collected from an Email Received and Edited Subsequently by Bobby Matherne.
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Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road? [2003 Version]:
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GEORGE W. BUSH
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road.
We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the
road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us.
There is no middle ground here.
AL GORE
I invented the chicken. I invented the road.
Therefore, the chicken crossing the road
represented the application of these two different
functions of government in a new, reinvented way
designed to bring greater services to the American
people.
COLIN POWELL
Now at the left of the screen, you clearly see the
satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
HANZ BLIX
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we
have not yet been allowed access to the other side of
the road.
MOHAMMED ALDOURI (Iraq ambassador)
The chicken did not cross the road. This is a complete
fabrication. We don't even have a chicken.
SADDAM HUSSEIN
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were
quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
RALPH NADER
The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road
had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The
chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other
side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of
a gas-guzzling SUV.
PAT BUCHANAN
To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.
RUSH LIMBAUGH
I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet
it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll
bet someone out there is already forming a support group
to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you
believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take?
Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the government took from you to build roads for chickens to cross.
MARTHA STEWART
No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going.
I had a standing order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs
when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave
me any insider information.
JERRY FALWELL
Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people
see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going
to the "other side." That's what they call it -- the other side.
Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you
will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out
this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly
harmless phrases like "the other side."
DR. SEUSS
ERNEST HEMINGWAYDid the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, The chicken crossed the road,
But why it crossed, I've not been told!
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross
roads without having their motives called into question.
GRANDPA
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the
road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the
road, and that was good enough for us.
BARBARA WALTERS
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening
to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story
of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on
to accomplish its life-long dream of crossing the road.
JOHN LENNON
Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.
ARISTOTLE
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
KARL MARX
It was an historical inevitability.
VOLTAIRE
I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will
defend to the death its right to do it.
CAPTAIN KIRK
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
FOX MULDER
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many
more chickens have to cross before you believe it?
SIGMUND FREUD
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken
crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
BILL GATES
I have just released eChicken 2003, which will not only cross
roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and
balance your checkbook - and Internet Explorer is an
inextricable part of eChicken.
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