~~~ Tidbit of Humor: Hams and Horses ~~~
Tidbits are Informative or Humorous Collection of Sayings
Collected, Edited, Used, and/or Laughed at by
Bobby Matherne ©2003
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Tidbit of Humor: Hams and Horses
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== == == == == == == == == == == == == == == == == == == == == ==Many thanks to Max Green for sending along this animated email with a lesson for all of us, June 15, 2005:
Hams and Horses
This is an old story about a woman whose mother always cut off the ends of the ham before baking it. One day she asked her mom why she did that and her mom said, "My mom always did it that way. Ask her." So she went to ask her grandmother who replied, "Well, I think it was because my mom always did it that way." Luckily her great-grandmother was still alive and she went to visit her. "Mamere," she said, "do you by any chance recall why you cut off both ends of the ham before you baked them?" Mamere looked at her and said, "Mais, oui, Cherie. I did that so it would fit into the only baking pan I owned back during the Depression."
This is probably a familiar story to you and you can laugh at how silly the mothers were who kept following an outmoded tradition. But traditions always start somewhere, and it's not always as simple as buying a new pan and stopping cutting off the ends of the hams. Take the width of US railroad tracks, what is called the standard gauge.
The US standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That's an exceedingly odd number. Why was that gauge used? Because that's the way they built them in England, and English expatriates built the US Railroads.
Why did the English build them like that?Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that's the gauge they used.
Why did "they" use that gauge then?
Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing.
Okay! Why did the wagons have that particular odd wheel spacing?Well, if they tried to use any other spacing, the wagon wheels would break on some of the old, long distance roads in England, because that's the spacing of the wheel ruts. So who built those old rutted roads?
Imperial Rome built the first long distance roads in Europe (and England) for their legions. The roads have been used ever since.And the ruts in the roads?
Roman war chariots formed the initial ruts, which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagon wheels. Since the chariots were made for Imperial Rome, they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing..
The United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches is derived from the original specifications for an Imperial Roman war chariot. And bureaucracies live forever.So the next time you are handed a specification and wonder what horse's ass came up with it, you may be exactly right, because the Imperial Roman army chariots were made just wide enough to accommodate the back ends of two war horses.
Now the twist to the story
When you see a Space Shuttle sitting on its launch pad, there are two big booster rockets attached to the sides of the main fuel tank. These are solid rocket boosters, or SRBs.The SRBs are made by Thiokol at their factory at Utah. The engineers who designed the SRBs would have preferred to make them a bit fatter, but the SRBs had to be shipped by train from the factory to the launch site. The railroad line from the factory happens to run through a tunnel in the mountains. The SRBs had to fit through that tunnel. The tunnel is slightly wider than the railroad track, and the railroad track, as you now know, is about as wide as two horses behinds.
So, a major Space Shuttle design feature of what is arguably the world's most advanced transportation system was determined over two thousand years ago by the width of a horse's ass.
..... Next time someone calls you a HORSE'S ASS, S M I L E ! !
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