~~~ Tidbit of Humor: No Pun Intended ~~~
Tidbits are Informative or Humorous Collection of Sayings
Collected, Edited, Used, and/or Laughed at by
Bobby Matherne ©2003
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Tidbits are Informative or Humorous Collection of Sayings
Collected, Edited, Used, and/or Laughed at by
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Tidbit of Humor: No Pun Intended
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== == == == == == == == == == == == == == == == == == == == == ==Many thanks to JR DRYBRED for sending along these humorous observations and punny Tidbits on June 27, 2012: Having a live person answer your phone call is like finding a pearl in your oyster.
The cell phone is the Swiss Army Knife of the Digital Age.
If he knew you were deaf, the stranger next to you would bore you with his cell phone conversation by sign language.
It's hardest to keep up with the Joneses during rush hour.
In music, misery loves country.
Advice is thankless. Unless the one you give it to will thank you to keep it to yourself.
Who tells you it's a matter of opinion usually thinks there's something the matter with yours.
Answers are elusive to the exact degree and at the identical speed as they are pursued by questions.
Bean counters have counting on the bean.
A common pet peeve is how much veterinarians charge.
There's usually an obesity problem when a kid gets his ears pierced and pizza sauce comes out.
The global economy supplies basic tools. Many workers even get the ax.
If they said they hit the bull's-eye, weren't they shooting the bull?
Anna Keller sent along this next set of groaners with a self-referent closer on June 10, 2005:
No Pun Intended
1. Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers. However, all the Swiss league records were unfortunately destroyed in a fire. Thus we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.
2. A man rushed into a busy doctor's office and shouted "Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!" The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll just have to be a little patient."
3. A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered porpoises that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls. One day his supply of the birds ran out. So he had to go out and trap some more. On the way back, he spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly stepped over them. Immediately, he was arrested and charged with transporting gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.
4. Back in the 1800's the Tates Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted to produce other products and, since they already made the cases for pocket watches, decided to market compasses for the pioneers traveling west. It turned out that although their watches were of finest quality; their compasses were so bad that people often ended up in Canada or Mexico rather than California. This, of course, is the origin of the _expression, "He who has a Tates is lost!"
5. A thief broke into the local police station and stole all the toilets and urinals, leaving no clues. A spokesperson was quoted as saying, "We have absolutely nothing to go on."
6. An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine man. After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin strip of elk rawhide and gave it to the chief, instructing him to bite off, chew and swallow one inch of the leather every day. After a month, the medicine man returned to see how the chief was feeling. The chief shrugged and said, "The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on."
7. A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complaining to the local civic official who apologized profusely saying, "I must have taken Lief off my census."
8. There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deerskin, one slept on an elk skin and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three became pregnant and the first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This goes to prove that the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.
9. A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk remedies with the assistance of a tribal brujo who indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation. When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the brujo looked him in the eye and said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like these, who needs enemas?"
10. By the way, the guy who wrote these 9 puns entered them and one other in a contest. He figured with 10 entries he couldn't lose. As they were reading the list of winners he was really hoping one of his puns would win, but unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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