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~~~ Tidbit of Humor: T-Shirt and Refrigerator Magnet Humor ~~~


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Tidbits are Informative or Humorous Collection of Sayings
Collected, Edited, Used, and/or Laughed at by
Bobby Matherne ©2003


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Tidbit of Humor: T-Shirt and Refrigerator Magnet Humor

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Many thanks to all the People who first coined these witty and humorous sayings.

T-Shirt Humor

My favorite T-Shirt has no writing on it but it speaks volume about real art, especially drawing. The artwork was taken from the original drawing of Maurits Escher, whose penchant for recursiveness shows up in it. Also the Chocolate Pi image at the bottom is from some anonymous writer/artist who came up with the idea for this image on a sweatshirt given to me years ago by Lucy Destin. Thanks, Lucy, wherever you are!

The rest of these are sayings, some impolite, some politically incorrect, some with a biting edge, and all of them humorous to some people while causing others to scratch their heads in wonder. I expect to add to these as I uncover new ones, so feel free to send me any that you see that tickle your fancy --- likely it will tickle other people's fancy as well.

Remember this: You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stopped laughing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
JOIN the ARMY.
Visit Exotic Places
Meet Interesting People
Then Kill Them
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jenius

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember: amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.

Some days, it's not even worth chewing through the restraints.

Everything I say if fully substantiated by my own opinion.

College is going Great! (except for the education part)

I may not be right, but I can sure sound like it.

Give me Ambiguity or Give me something else

You don't get a body like this by working out.

I have no idea what I'm doing out of bed.

I came, I saw, I duct-taped.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

Just be happy I'm not a twin!

So life has a hill. Get over it.

This is my warm and sensitive side.

I'm Retired! Go around me.

What part of MOOOOOOAHAAHAHAHA don't you understand?

Gardeners Tend to Soil their Plants.

I never fake a Sarcasm.

I'd listen to you, but ignoring you is much easier.

Careful or you'll end up in my next novel.

You see three branches of government, I see firewood.

Let's revisit the whole "Hope I die before I get old" Thing.

Let's hope there intelligent life in Space, I'm so lonely here on Earth.

You're not bothering me, you're way beyond that.

YO FISH! Bite me.

Most of the fish who drive me nuts are in my family.

I don't suffer from insanity I love every moment of it!

Am I getting older, or has the supermarket begun playing great music?

Prayer to St. Anthony:       
Tony, Tony, please come down       
Something's lost and can't be found!

They say I have A.D.D, but they just don't understa. . . . OH LOOK! A CHICKEN!

Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.

Love is grand; divorce is several hundred grand.

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true.

In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.

I always wanted to be a procrastinator; I never got around to it.

I am having an OOM an out-of-money experience.

I plan on living forever. So far, so good.

A day without sunshine is like night.

I have kleptomania, but when it gets really bad, I take something for it.

Not Perfect. But so close it scares me.

I'm no ordinary freak.

Statistics show that 5 out of 4 people have a problem with fractions.

I'm right 98% of the time. Who gives a crap about the other 3%?

If it's not one thing, it's your mother.

I live in my own little world, but it's ok . . . they know me here.

Keep watching. Maybe I'll do a trick.

Why is the original text in a document called "copy"?

Does "anal retentive" have a hyphen?

Hukt awn fonix wurkt fur mee.

When I want your opinion, I will give it to you.

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke off.

AAAAA -- American Association Against Acronym Abuse

This T-shirt Intentionally Left Blank

What's another word for Thesaurus?

Department of Redundancy Department

My parents said I could be anything, so I became an asshole.

My Anger Management Class pisses me off!

People like you are the reason people like me need medication.

My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems.

No One is old enough to know better.

I'm so Old I can Laugh, Cough, Sneeze, Fart, and Pee --- All at the Same Time.

Grab your balls, we're going bowling.

I'm on a drinking team --- with a bowling problem!

I'm taking a wine course, but not for credit.

Don't Rush Me --- I get paid by the hour.

My first thought is usually wrong, criminal or selfish.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you ... but it's still on the list.

Computers

There are 10 types of people in this world.
Those who understand binary
And
Those who don't.
E. G., What part of 1 + 1 = 10 don't you understand?
(Hint: 10 base 2 = 2 base 10 .... c'mon, it's as easy as 1, 10, 11)

Insufficient Memory at This Time

Wipe Feet on Doormat to Continue [Doormat Slogan]

May the Source code be with you.

Document my code?
Why do you think it's called "code"?

Life would be easier if I had the source code.

If at first you don't succeed, call it Version 1.0

Will Code for Food [Cardboard Sign]

There's no place like 127.0.0.1

We need a patch for human stupidity.

ERROR: Keyboard not detected. Press F1 to Continue

The truly educated never graduate

Don't Blame Me, It's a Software Problem

I may be old, but I'm not technologically obsolete.

Stay Away: I'm Dain Bramaged!

Get a Real Computer, Trash the Mac

Shut up and reboot.

Engineers

The key to successful engineering is to get the customer to relax the specifications.

Logic the Art of being wrong with confidence.

V = IR It's the law.

Electrical Engineers does it with less resistance.

Eschew Obfuscation.

If it Ain't Broke, Don't Fix It!

Math illiteracy affects 7 out of 5 people.

If you're not part of the Solution, then you're part of the Precipitate.

What is the speed of dark?

The Gene Pool could use some Chlorine.

Employment, etc.

Good Job! You haven't done anything stupid in five minutes!

Successfully Unemployed

Recovering Workaholic (I have lifted a finger in years.)

Rehab is for quitters.

No Job, No Money, No Car, but I'm in a band.

I'm retired, but I work part-time as a pain in the ass!

To err is human --- to blame it on someone else shows management potential.

I suffer from cruel and unusual employment.

My experience with you helped prepare me for the real world which also sucks!

It's impossible to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.

I pray that God isn't too picky.

I can't hear you. My ears don't pick up sound waves from stupid people.

In case of emergency, I'm gonna use your fat ass as a flotation devie.

I'M NOT INFANTILE, you stinky butt poophead!

I'm multi-talented: I can talk and piss you off at the same time.

Rock is dead. Long live paper and scissors.

Just how much fun can I have before I go before I go to hell?

This is not a beer gut, it's a protective covering for my rock hard abs.

I'm trying to see things from your point of view, but I can't stick my head that far up my ass.

Your lips keep moving but all I hear is blah, blah, blah . . .

There are no stupid questions. Just stupid people.

Did you eat a bowl of stupid for breakfast?

Just build a bridge and get over it!

~^~ Redneck and Sleazy ~^~

You say REDNECK like it's a BAD thing!

Rednecks: Keeping the woods clear of critters since 1843!

Let's play carpenter! First we get hammered than I nail you.

Save the Trees. Wipe your ass with an owl.

There's a place for all of God's creatures --- right next to the potatoes and gravy.

The only mark I've made in life is on my underwear.

Buy this man a beer.

I'm drinking to make you pretty.

[Written upside down] If you can read this, put me back on my barstool.

~^~ Especially For Women ~^~

Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.

Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.

Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.

Life not only begins at forty, it begins to show.

Born Free! Now I'm expensive.

Pink isn't just a color. It's an Attitude!

It's not Shopping. It's Reality Therapy.

Well, la de frinkin' da!

You'll always be my best friend, you know too much!

Do you want to talk to the Man in Charge, or the Woman who knows what's going on?

I only have a kitchen because it came with the house.

I AM in SHAPE. Round is a shape.

If it has tires or testicles, it's gonna give you trouble!

Oh, s h i t ! I've become my mother!

I have PMS and ESP which makes me a b i t c h who knows everything!

I am a nutritional overachiever.

Husband For Sale! Comes with flat screen TV and remote control.

I do NOT have Hot Flashes! I have short, private vacations in the Tropics.

I'm not 40-something! I'm 39.95 plus shipping and handling.

When a child is born, so is a Grandmother.

I do NOT have Hot Flashes! My inner child is just playing with matches.

Refrigerator Magnet Humor

Pin your favorite friend on your Kelvinator with one of these Colorful Magnets:






































































































































































































































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