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~~~ Tidbit of Humor: Actual Want Ads ~~~


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Collected, Edited, Used, and/or Laughed at by
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Tidbit of Humor: Actual Want Ads

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Many thanks to Anonymous for sending along this Tidbit of Useful Information.

Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.

Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.

2 female Boston Terrier puppies, 7 wks old, Perfect markings, 555-1234. Leave mess.

Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.

A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.

Dinner Special — Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.

For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.

Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.

Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.

Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.

Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.

We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.

For Sale. Three canaries of undermined sex.

For Sale — Eight puppies from a German Shepherd and an Alaskan Hussy.

Great Dames for sale.

Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.

Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.

Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.

Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.

Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.

Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.

Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.

Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.

Stock up and save. Limit: one.

For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.

Man, honest. Will take anything.

Wanted: chambermaid in rectory. Love in, $200 a month. References required.

Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.

Used cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!

Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.

Wanted: Hair-cutter. Excellent growth potential.

Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.

3-year-old teacher need for pre-school. Experience preferred.

Our experienced Mom will care of your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.

Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.

Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.

Illiterate? Write today for free help.

Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.

Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.

And now, the Superstore — unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.

We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00.

1 Man, 7 Woman Hot Tub — $850/offer

Amana Washer $100. Owned by Clean Bachelor Who Seldom Washed.

Snow Blower for Sale . . . Only Used on Snowy Days.

Free Puppies . . . Part German Shepherd — Part Dog

2 Wire Mesh Butchering Gloves: 1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, Pair: $15

Tickle Me Elmo, Still in Box, Comes with Its Own 1988 Mustang, Excellent Condition $6800

Cows, Calves Never Bred . . . Also 1 Gay Bull for Sale.

83 Toyota Hunchback — $2000

Star Wars Job of the Hut — $15

Free Puppies: 50% Cocker Spaniel — 50% Sneaky Neighbor's Dog

Free Yorkshire Terrier. 8 Years Old. Unpleasant Little Dog.

Soft & Genital Bath Tissues or Facial Tissue — 89 Cents

German Shepherd 85 Lbs.neutered. Speaks German. Free.

Full Sized Mattress. 20 Yr. Warranty. Like New. Slight Urine Smell.

Free 1 Can of Pork & Beans with Purchase of 3 Br 2 Bath Home.

For Sale: Lee Majors (6 Million Dollar Man) - $50

Nordic Track $300 Hardly Used, Call "Chubbie"

Bill's Septic Tank Cleaning "We Haul American Made Products"

Shakespeare's Pizza - Free Chopsticks

Found: Dirty White Dog. Looks like a Rat . . . Been out Awhile . . . Better Be Reward.

Hummels - Largest Selection Ever "If It's in Stock, We Have It!"

Get a Little John: the Traveling Urinal Holds 2 to 3 Bottles of Beer.

Harrisburg Postal Employees Gun Club

Georgia Peaches — California Grown — 89 Cents Lb.

Nice Parachute: Never Opened — Used Once Slightly Stained

Free: Farm Kittens. Ready to Eat.

American Flag 60 Stars — Pole Included $100

Tired of Working for Only $9.75 per Hour? We Offer Profit Sharing and Flexible Hours. Starting Pay: $7 - $9 per Hour.

Notice: to the Person or Persons Who Took the Large Pumpkin on Highway 87 near Southridge Storage: Please Return the Pumpkin and Be Checked. Pumpkin May Be Radioactive. All Other Plants in Vicinity Are Dead.

Exercise Equipment: Queen Size Mattress & Box Springs — $175.

Our Sofa Seats the Whole Mob and It's Made of 100% Italian Leather.

Joining Nudist Colony! Must Sell Washer & Dryer $300.

Lawyer Says Client Is Not That Guilty.

Alzheimer's Center Prepares for an Affair to Remember

Ground Beast: 99 Cents Lb.

Gas Cloud Clears out Taco Bell.

Open House Body Shapers Toning Salon Free Coffee & Donuts

Kellogg's Pot Tarts — $1.99 Box

Fully Cooked Boneless Smoked Man — $2.09 Lb.

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