~~~ Tidbit of Humor: Quotes from Actual Doctor Reports ~~~
Tidbits are Informative or Humorous Collection of Sayings
Collected, Edited, Used, and/or Laughed at by
Bobby Matherne ©2003
Site Map: MAIN / Tidbits / This Page
Tidbits are Informative or Humorous Collection of Sayings
Collected, Edited, Used, and/or Laughed at by
Bobby Matherne ©2003
This Web Page Contains Material Collected from an Email Received and Edited Subsequently by Bobby Matherne.
To Submit a Tidbit for these Webpages, Click Here!
Return to MAIN TIDBITS PAGE.
== == == == == == == == == == == == == == == == == == == == == ==
§==§==§ Like this Tidbit? Recommend it to a friend! §==§==§
http://www.recommend-it.com/l.z.e?s=703791
§==§==§ Need a new, Dependable ISP/DSL in a Hurry? §==§==§
Check out: http://www.earthlink.net/
§==§==§ Also check out our Cartoon Page at: http://www.doyletics.com/vjtoons.htm
== == == == == == == == == == == == == == == == == == == == == ==
Tidbit of Humor: Quotes from Actual Doctor Reports
== == == == == == == == == == == == == == == == == == == == == ==
A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her Baby in the cab!" I grabbed
my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear.
Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female
patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorsed the
patient.
Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that Her husband had died of a
massive myocardial infarction. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the
rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the patient
twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the
20/20 line perfectly. "Now your left." Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested.
There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered
that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I
was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
During a patient's two-week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me,
his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked.
"The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out
of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see...
Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now the instructions include removal of the
old patch before applying a new one.
Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you been
bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered... "Why, not for about twenty
years – when my husband was alive."
Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So how was your breakfast this
morning?" "It was very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the
taste," the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet
labeled "KY Jelly."
Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
Have a great day and keep out of the Doctors Office...
Actual Medical Observations Written by Mds:
The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.
Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
The skin was moist and dry.
Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.
She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce.
Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.
I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.
Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles.
Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
She is numb from her toes down.
Exam of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot.
While in the emergency room, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
The patient was to have a bowel resection. However he took a job as a stockbroker instead.
Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
Coming from Detroit, this man has no children.
Examination reveals a well-developed male lying in bed with his family in no distress.
Patient was alert and unresponsive.
When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
Are you in pain? Unhappy? Angry? Anxious? Feel down or upset by the world situation? Plagued by chronic discomforts like migraines or tension-type headaches? At Last! An Alternative Approach to Removing Unwanted Physical Body States without Drugs or Psychotherapy, e-mediatelytm!
