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A Collection of Information and Humorous Collections of Sayings
Collected, Edited, and Laughed at by Bobby Matherne
©2005 by 21st Century Education, Inc.
A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs, jolted by every pebble in the road.
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Grab Bag of Tidbits:
A Miscellania of Tidbits of Information, Humor, Quotes, Memories and What-nots. [NOTE: This is a large file of Assorted Tidbits.]
Want to see Real Estate being made? Click on this new Tidbit showing a new island being formed in the South Pacific. Thanks to Jeff Parsons for sending this Tidbit along to DIGESTWORLD! ! !
The Story of Three Sisters from NEW "Old-Timers" Tidbit:
Click Here to read other Old-Timers Stories.
Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together. One night the 96 year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?" The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see." She starts up the stairs and pauses "Was I going up the stairs or down?" The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood." She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."
When someone has only ONE job to, how can they not get it right? Click on this new Tidbit
to see some egregious examples. Thanks to Jeff Parsons for sending this Tidbit along on December 18, 2014 to DIGESTWORLD! ! !
Military Advice, such as this one:
"The three best things in life are:
A good landing,
A good orgasm, and,
A good bowel movement.
The night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities in life where you get to experience all three at the same time."
[Thanks to Mike Jamison for forwarding email along to me on Mon 6/23/2014 1:07 PM. Original email came from Claude Boudreaux [mailto:firstname.lastname@example.org] a few days earlier.]
[NOTE: Due to its popularity, this page only viewable in Acrobat 10 and above.]
Wanta see the first Gasoline Station, first everything having to do with cars? Click Below:
Thanks to Jeff Parsons for sending the above Tidbit along to DIGESTWORLD! ! !
The Way We Word by Richard Lederer:
About a month ago, I illuminated old expressions that have become obsolete because of the inexorable march of technology. These phrases included don't touch that dial, carbon copy, you sound like a broken record and hung out to dry. A bevy of readers have asked me to shine light on more faded words and expressions, and I am happy to oblige:
Back in the olden days we had a lot of moxie. We'd put on our best bib and tucker, and straighten up and fly right. Hubba-hubba! We'd cut a rug in some juke joint and then go necking and petting and smooching and spooning and billing and cooing and pitching woo in hot rods and jalopies in some passion pit or lovers' lane. Heavens to Betsy! Gee whillikers! Jumpin' Jehoshaphat! Holy moley! We were in like Flynn and living the life of Riley, and even a regular guy couldn't accuse us of being a knucklehead, a nincompoop or a pill. Not for all the tea in China!
Back in the olden days, life used to be 'cool', or swell, but when's the last time anything was swell? Swell has gone the way of beehives, pageboys and the D.A.; of spats, knickers, fedoras, poodle skirts, saddle shoes and pedal pushers. Oh, my aching back. Kilroy was here, but he isn't anymore.
Like Washington Irving's Rip Van Winkle and Kurt Vonnegut's Billy Pilgrim, we have become unstuck in time. We wake up from what surely has been just a short nap, and before we can say, "I'll be a monkey's uncle!" or "This is a fine kettle of fish!" we discover that the words we grew up with, the words that seemed omnipresent as oxygen, have vanished with scarcely a notice from our tongues and our pens and our keyboards.
Poof, poof, poof go the words of our youth, the words we've left behind. We blink, and they're gone, evanesced from the landscape and wordscape of our perception, like Mickey Mouse wristwatches, hula hoops, skate keys, candy cigarettes, little wax bottles of colored sugar water and an organ grinder's monkey.
Where have all those phrases gone? Long time passing. Where have all those phrases gone? Long time ago: Pshaw. The milkman did it. Think about the starving Armenians. Bigger than a bread box. Banned in Boston. The very idea! It's your nickel. Don't forget to pull the chain. Knee high to a grasshopper. Turn-of-the-century. Iron curtain. Domino theory. Fail safe. Civil defense. Fiddlesticks! You look like the wreck of the Hesperus. Cooties. Going like sixty. I'll see you in the funny papers. Don't take any wooden nickels. Heavens to Murgatroid! And away-a-ay we go!
Oh, my stars and garters! It turns out there are more of these lost words and expressions than Carter had liver pills.
This can be disturbing stuff, this winking out of the words of our youth, these words that lodge in our heart's deep core. But just as one never steps into the same river twice, one cannot step into the same language twice. Even as one enters, words are swept downstream into the past, forever making a different river.
We of a certain age have been blessed to live in changeful times. For a child each new word is like a shiny toy, a toy that has no age. We at the other end of the chronological arc have the advantage of remembering there are words that once did not exist and there were words that once strutted their hour upon the earthly stage and now are heard no more, except in our collective memory. It's one of the greatest advantages of aging. We can have archaic and eat it, too.
See ya later, alligator!
RJM: Which required this reply: After while, crocodile!
Thanks to Richard Lederer for writing the above and to J. A. P. Montz for sending this Tidbit along to DIGESTWORLD! ! !
GRAB ART: A Grab Bag of Amazing Photos and Artworks which will grab your attention. ~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~
Tidbits of Information:
Kids Say the Darndest Things, Art Linkletter noted. Click to read several new examples that Art would have loved.
WD-40 Stands for Water Displacement Solvent No. 40 and has at least these 43 incredible uses.
Short Stories of Americans with Grit
You May Have Never Heard what They said, but When they Spoke their Piece, You Could Have Heard a Pin Drop.
I Have a Plan to Destroy America by Richard D. Lamm
This may be the most powerful and influential speech since Abraham Lincoln scratched out the Gettysburg Address on the back of an envelope on the train trip to the famous battlefield where so many Americans died. Any form of so-called government which fosters Gov. Lamm's plan is doomed to disappear from the face of the Earth.
You May Have Never Heard About, Up Until Now.
Two Interesting Stories
Praise God — True Story of the Washington Monument
Anam Cara Blessings
May these Blessings Bring you Closer to the True Self in You.
Honey & Cinnamon Are Good for You
Learn How to Use Them
Bananas Are Good for You
Learn How "A Banana A Day Keeps the Doctor Away"
Be Happy, Don't Worry
Ten Ways to Worry Less and Accomplish More
50 Steps to Excellence
A Checklist for Life Enhancement
21st Century Common Sense
The Bill of No Rights
21st Century Marriage Contract
Want to Remain Friends after Marriage?
Time for You to Use . . .
Got a Second?
What is the Most Important Thing in your Life?
Thank You for Your Time!
Who Signs Your Paycheck?
Do you know?
Household Hints & Cures
For Items You Have Around the House
FIQ: Famous and Interesting Quotes
Collected by Bobby Matherne
Will Rogers: some of his Witty and Humorous Quotes
from Bobby Jeaux's Kitchen
Tidbits of Memory:
Do You Remember When...?
Take a Trip Down Memory Lane
What films were in the theaters when you were born?
Films in Theaters during these Years: 1920-1989
Annette & Buster Matherne Remember their Life
Memories of Donner, Westwego, An Oral History .
Through the Sawmill Town of Donner
A Song by Bobby Matherne
Rodney "I get NO respect" Dangerfield's Humor Lives ON — Rodney Dangerfield Gags
Humorous Letters — Actual Letters to Dear Abby
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
Church Bulletin Inadvertent Humor — Actual Church Announcements
Don't you just HATE IT when someone objects to an innovation of yours by saying, "We've always done it this way!" If you want to call them a horses's rear end, do you know why?
Well, there's an ancient tradition "behind" it.
Don't you just HATE IT when someone ends a groaner with "no pun intended." Okay, you're forewarned.
No Pun Intended
If you're a Guy, you may learn something; if you're a woman, you may get a laugh.
Words Women Use
Dr. Seuss on Computers:
PC Blues and SPAM
A Vocabulary Test
You've heard these words, do you really know what they mean?
Steven Wright lets it all hang out with these humorous tidbits.
Remember Bud Abbott and Lou Costello's famous "Who's on First?" Routine of the old 20th Century? Read what might happen in the 21st Century if Lou calls up Bud at the computer store for help with his office.
"Office for windows?"
Caution: this page limited to people who are at least over 50!
Old Age Jokes
You may have enjoyed one or two of these before, and if so you will enjoy the rest of them, too:
Epigrams for Today
If you're a dog lover, you'll find plenty to smile about in quotations about dogs.
If you're a Parent or a Grandparent, you'll find plenty to smile about in these precious stories about children.
Parent and Grandparent Stories about Kids
If embarrassment is defined as "secret pleasure", then you'll find some pleasure in these revealed stories.
Embarrassing Moments of Life
One-Liners with Punch-Line in Question
e.g. Did you hear the one about the cannibal who passed the missionary in the jungle?
Qantas and other Airlines Humor
Pilot Reports, Maintenance Responses
Example: Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City the flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump, and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt."
Unable to Find WMD, Smoking Guns, etc?
Stop Smoking Anyway [ersatz error page]
BLONDE JOKES: Stories, Real and Imagined, about Blondes
Blondes Have More Fun
Fun for Lexiophiles (lovers of words)...Plays on Words e.g. "A backward poet writes inverse."
Words That Should Exist, but don't, up until now. E.g. PEPPIER
Bi-Lingual Problems and English Tips Examples: In Chinese, the Kentucky Fried Chicken slogan "finger-lickin' good" came out as "eat your fingers off." and Avoid alliteration. Always.
What Women Really Want . . .
Ah — To be 12 again!
New Orleans, California, New York, Maine, the South, Colorado, the Midwest, Florida:
You know you live in these places, if . . .
Important Lessons About Life . . .
Things Mama Taught Me
Thought-provoking questions about life and the humor it brings.
Life's Puzzles and Mysteries
Yes, an actual applicant or manager wrote every one of these sentences.
Quotes from Resumes, Cover Letters, and Appraisals
Yes, an actual doctor wrote every one of these sentences.
Quotes from Actual Doctor Reports
Quotes from Well-known Sports Figures for Whom Talking is an Unpaid Sideline Apparently.
Quotes from Actual Sports Figures
Looking for a special Famous or Interesting Quote? Want the exact words? Or the name of who said it? Like this one, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
Click Bobby's Collection of
Treasury of Famous and Interesting Quotes
These appeared in Newspapers and Magazines.
Actual Want Ads
Bonus Material: Famous Quips & Things You'd Like to Say Around the Office, but Can't.
Age-Old Question finally answered in 2003.
"Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?"
Tidbits of Amazing Photos and Tricks:
A Cajun Seven Course Meal
(With Cajun Music aussi, naturellement, so put your ears on, Cher! Thanks to Barbara Knobloch Gasperetti for sending this Tidbit along.)
EMAIL from Kiki re: Colorful Birds
I thought since you loved photography you'd like these.
LSU Photos from the Past
Black & White Vintage Shots of Campus with Horseshoe Tiger Stadium, for example. Thanks to Ginger Thiele for sending this link.)
Amazing Fruit and Vegetable Photographs
Chefs Playing with their Food
Thanks to Kiki Butgereit for sending this link.)
Amazing Vintage Photographs
New Orleans, Louisiana
Thanks to Cynthia Waters for sending this link.)
What do you see? Click Here to take a look.
One teacher said, "I felt like they were all moving...but slowly. Kinda like, they were breathing."
The pictures attached are used to test the level of stress a person can handle.
The slower the pictures move, the better your ability of handling stress.
Alleged criminals that were tested see them spinning around madly; however, senior citizens and kids often see them standing still.
None of these images are animated - they are perfectly still.
Inspiring Images from Deep Space
Turn up your Speaker Volume to hear Music
Inspiring Images from Deep Space
Turn up your Speaker Volume to hear Music
"Cajun Ten Commandments"
God's Top Ten Don't Do Dat List!
How can you tell? Read the license plate.
"Active Brain at Work"
[Allow at least ten seconds to get started.]
No clowning around either.
"Lovely Ladies Sunbathing"
in Skimpy Bikinis.
To Submit Material for this Webpage, Contact Bobby Matherne, by Clicking below.
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