By One-Liners here, I am not referring to the Henny Youngman genre such as "Take my wife, please!" No, I'm talking specifically about a genre of jokes in which you ask someone if they've heard a joke and the punch line for the joke is in the question you ask. Often there's a phonological ambiguity, such as in the first one, where you must consider an alternate spelling to "coming" to help you understand the joke. In the rest you and your imagination will have to sort it out. If you know of a joke that fits in this special category, please email me by simply Clicking on my Photo at top of page.

Did you hear the one about the Old Maid who was coming down the aisle?

Did you hear the one about the suicidal dyslexic who threw himself behind an onrushing train?

Did you hear the one about the self-made man who worshiped his creator?

Did you hear about the blonde who resolved to have only three children because she heard that one out of four children in the world are born Chinese?

Did you hear about the two blondes who went to see "Closed for the Winter" and froze to death in a drive-in movie? Did you hear the one about the power failure at the Mall which stranded 17 blondes on an escalator for over four hours?

Did you hear the one about the guy who ran into a bar and said, ‘Ouch!’?

Did you hear the one about the Irishman who walked out of a bar?

Did you hear the one about three ministers who walked into a bar and the bartender said, "What is this — some kind of a joke?"

Did you hear the one about the blonde who slipped and fell out a tree while raking her leaves?

Did you hear the one about the Roman who was gladiator?

Did you hear the one about the Energizer Bunny who was arrested and charged with battery?

Did you hear the one about the pessimist whose blood type was B-Negative?

Did you hear the one about the bachelor who used a condom on every conceivable occasion?

Did you hear the one about the cannibal who passed the missionary in the jungle?

Did you hear the one about the kid who called his grandmother a weirdo after his grandfather died?

Did you hear the one about the cannibal who thought the clown tasted funny?

Did you hear about the cannibals who discovered that too many cooks spoil the broth?

~^~

Did you hear about the cannibals who ate a missionary and got a taste of religion?

Did you hear the one about the French fighter pilot who had friends in high places?

Did you hear the one about the two silkworms in a race who ended up in a tie?

Did you hear about the hole in wall of the nudist camp that police are looking into?

Did you hear about the seasoned veteran who survived mustard gas and pepper spray?

Did you hear about the baseball player who wondered why the ball kept getting bigger? Then it hit him.

Did you hear about the cop who arrested a beagle who had given birth on the side of a highway and charged her with littering?

Did you hear about the blonde who pushed an envelope around and around her desk and found that it still remained stationery?

Did you hear about the algebra teacher who confiscated a student's rubber band pistol because it was a weapon of math disruption?

Did you hear about the guy who divorced a whiskey maker, but he loved her still?

Did you hear that the AMA shut down an Eskimo optometrist claiming he was an optical Aleutian?

Did you about the poor man who knew how to juggle, but didn't have the balls to do it?

Did you hear the one about the backward poet who could only write inverse?

~^~

Did you hear the one about the woman with one leg who worked at I-HOP?

Did you hear the one about the corduory pillow which made headlines?

Did you hear the one about the American witch whose husband had a hollow weinie?

. . . How about the Mexican witch whose husband had a jalapenie?

Did you hear the one about the constipated mathematician who worked it out with a pencil?

Did you hear about the pirate who paid a buck an ear for his earrings?

Did you hear the one about the cannibal who was having a ball at a feast?

Did you hear the one about the frugal counterfeiter who still has the first dollar he ever made?

Did you hear the one about the ex-con Guru whose specialty was pre-meditation?

Did you hear about the pizza place that went out of business because it couldn't raise the dough?

Did you hear the one about how Moses started out as a basket case?

Did you hear the one about the bachelor who wanted a sweater for Christmas and got a screamer and a moaner instead?

Did you hear the one about the kid who wanted a watch for Christmas, but his parents wouldn't let him?

Did you hear the one about the couple who wanted to fly United, but the Stewardess wouldn't let them?

Did you hear the one about the guy who delivered a newspaper but it folded?

Did you hear the one about the oyster at the gym who pulled a mussel? {It was your leg mussel.}

Did you hear the one about the peeping tome that was a book on voyeurism?

Did you hear the one about the two egoists who saw I to I?

Did you hear the one about the shotgun wedding that was a case of wife or death?

Did you hear the one about the Southern Belle whose drawl was so slow that by the time she said, "No," she had already done it?

Did you hear about the Fish Monger's husband who went to the outhouse for a breath of fresh air?

Did you hear about the tomcat who put everything he had in the kitty?

Did you hear about the woman pilot who flew upside-down and had crack up?

Did you hear about the man who requested cremation and made an ash out of himself?

Did you hear about the woman in the hospital who put KY-Jelly on her toast and complained about the taste of the Kentucky Jelly?

Did you hear the one about the termite who walked into a pub and asked, "Is the bar tender here?"

Did you hear the one about Linda Lovelace's grandmother who went down on the Titanic?

Did you hear the one about the prostitute with her hand under her skirt who was self-employed?

Did you hear the one about the bachelor who came to work from a direction each morning?

Did you hear about the tire shop whose ad said, "Invite us to your next blowout"?

Did you hear about the taxidermist who really knew his stuff?

Did you hear about the muffler shop who advertised, "No Appointment Necessary. We hear you coming"?

Did you hear about the man who was delighted when he didn't send in his light bill payments?

Did you hear about the Ob-Gyn whose motto was "We're at your cervix"?

Did you hear the one about the girl who used hair straightener on her pubic hair and poked her boyfriend's eyes out?

Did you hear about the guy who invested all his money in toilet paper and revolving doors and got wiped out before he could turn around?

Did you hear about the guy who bought tickets to the Indians Rain Dance from a scalper?

Did you hear the one about the police being called to a nursery school where a five-year-old was resisting a rest?

Did you hear the one about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? Yes. He's all right now.

Did you know that writing jokes with a broken pencil is pointless?

Did you hear that the thief who stole a calendar got 12 months?

Did you hear the one about the dentist and manicurist who fought tooth and nail?

Did you hear the one about the gal who didn't pay her exorcist and got repossessed.

Did you hear the one about the piano which fell down a gold mine and hit A-Flat Minor?

Did you hear the one about a hungry clock which went back four seconds?

Did you hear the one about the guy who fell into an upholstery machine? Yes. Now fully recovered.

Did you know that a boiled egg is hard to beat?

Did you hear that Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise?

Did you hear the one without a punchline?

Okay, okay, it has one but it isn't funny.

Did you hear the one about .... what? You want to hear a joke that isn't funny? Okay, I'll tell you, if you promise not to laugh. . .

This little old woman was riding on a bus, and as the driver passed an intersection, she said, "Driver! You missed my stop."

A young man seated across the aisle from her leaned over, handed her his umbrella, and said, "You can use my umbrella, I go to NYU nights."

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