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~~~ Tidbit of Humor: Will Rogers' Famous Quips and Humorous Sayings ~~~


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Tidbit of Humor: Will Rogers' Famous Quips and Humorous Sayings

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Many thanks to Tony Celino on November 4, 2003 for many Will Rogers' Humorous Sayings.

Will Rogers' Famous Quips and Humorous Sayings:

Will Rogers once said "I never met a man I didn't like" and "I only know what I read in the newspaper." He also said, "Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save."

In addition to being witty, he was one of the greatest political sages this country has ever known. He shared his wisdom with statemen and presidents, all of whom blithely ignored it.

About presidents, he said once, "I am the first acknowledged comedian to receive a vote for the Presidency -- not the first comedian, mind you, but the first acknowledged one." He also is reported to have said:

The Income Tax has made more Liars out of the American people than golf has.

The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected.

The Income Tax has made more Liars out of the American people than golf has.

"I'm going to take in this flood area. Cal Coolidge didn't send me down here officially, but at least I'm going to talk and write the truth. This flood trouble isn't over yet by a long shot. . . . We've still got Congress to contend with."

"Maybe my ancestors didn't come over on the Mayflower but they met the boat."

"All I know is just what I read in the newspapers, and that's an alibi for my ignorance."

"Does college pay? It does if you are a good open field runner."

"Congress is so strange. A man gets up to speak and says nothing. Nobody listens. Then everybody disagrees."

"It's a great country but you can't live in it for nothing."

All I know is just what I read in the Congressional Record. They have had some awful funny articles in there lately. As our government deteriorates, our humor increases.

An old, long-whiskered man once said to Teddy Roosevelt: 'I am a Democrat, my father was a Democrat, my grandfather was a Democrat.'
Roosevelt then said:'Then if your father had been a horse thief and your grandfather had been a horse thief, you would be a horse thief?'

They are voting whether to keep a governor two years or four. I think a good, honest governor should get four years, and the others life.

The remainder of these may or may not have been said by Will Rogers, but they sure sound like something he'd like to have said.

All the below comments fall in the category of "Never squat with your spurs on."

1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.

2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

3. There are 2 theories to arguing with a woman . . . neither works.

4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

5. Always drink upstream from the herd.

6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.

7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back in your pocket.

8. There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading; The few who learn by observation; The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.

9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

10. If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.

11. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back.

12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him... The moral When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.


1. Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

2. The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

3. Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.

4. When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.

5. You know you are getting old when every thing either dries up or leaks.

6. I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.

7. One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.

8. One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.

9. Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

10. Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it's called golf.

11. Politics sure is a great character builder. You have to take a referendum to see what your convictions are for that day.

12. If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you are old.

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